A Year of Writing to Uncover the Authentic Self (2023)
Lesson 7: Connections
The year 2023 is upon us now and it’s quite hard to believe that it’s been two years since I started this series on “A Year of Writing to Uncover the Authentic Self”.
In the past two years, I can tell you that a lot has changed for me – both personally and professionally. One of the things I have found in myself recently, however, is an internal calm, acceptance and knowledge of the fact that no matter what comes along I’ll be able to deal with it.
I believe this has been a significant change, but in many ways a very much needed one. One of the things it has also impacted is the way that I now relate to others… which just happens to be a big part of creating the topic of today’s lesson 7: Connections.
Lesson Format
Having come back to this series after some time, I was surprised to see the DailyOM visuals had completely changed. One of the most striking differences being their updated website colour scheme.
Where previously a clean, white, but somewhat sterile background had invited me to share my most intimate thoughts, memories and observations, now a sandy yellow/orange background came to play.
It’s funny how colours change your perception of things, isn’t it? Also, how when you are used to one thing, it can take some time to adjust to another. I’m still not sure I entirely like it…
In terms of the course itself though, the format still stayed very much the same. A series of writing prompts, a box to write in at the bottom. Although, I did get the impression that this week had a little more meat to it than others. (It actually took me almost 3 hours to complete this lesson!)
I do admit that I had my uncle walking in on me and interrupting my writing time several times though. (Oh the pain of not living at home while renovating your dad’s apartment… but that’s another story!). Plus the topic of connections is certainly one I could talk about for days!
My Experience
The first time I actually tried to do this lesson, I didn’t successfully start. I took one look at the first writing prompt which read:
- Think of a relationship in your past (family, romantic, friendship, professional, etc.) How would your life be different without that connection? Tell a story of this connection.
… and then felt really really sad and resistant.
I didn’t want to think about connections I had had in the past. For if they were in the past, it signified they were no longer in my present, right?
Several people and situations over the years shot through my mind. Finally, I decided to close the laptop and not continue. Today was not the day I told myself. Another day I’ll continue.
A few days went by and yet I knew I wanted to continue with the lesson. I had committed myself to completing this series, and complete it I would!
Then, this morning, when I finally found a slot in my otherwise quite busy life these days, I re-read the prompt. I also noticed that my feelings had changed. I no longer felt like thinking about my past connections was a loss. In fact, as the words started flowing across the page I felt more and more like these connections had helped me gain something really precious. This something was… perspective.
The Affirmation of Conviction
As stated previously, it took me around 3 hours to complete this lesson. It could have taken longer if I had been so inclined. The lesson took me through a whole array of past experiences.
I thought of friendships, of family, of past relationships, of my present relationship. I remembered beautiful memories and not so beautiful experiences too.
Bit by bit the layered onion of emotions was pulled back on this one. Some questions I thought I would encounter resistance with… then I reviewed my present circumstances and realised I felt very neutral. I had apparently already processed circumstances from the past that had previously affected me greatly.
Specifically, there was one question around whether I was in any relationships that did not serve me. My initial response was “I’m not sure, maybe”. Then I reviewed all of my closest relationships currently and had to revise that answer to a “no”.
Deep Diving Emotions
The interesting thing about this lesson was how it made me think about my relationships. What does it actually mean for a relationship to “serve” you?
My initial thought was – ah yes those are the relationships that are simple, easy, make you feel happy, connected, carefree and without doubts.
Then, I thought about the relationships around me and thought… hold on a minute.
- Not all of the relationships I have around me at the moment are easy
- Not all of them make me feel comfortable
- Some of my closest relationships actually currently feel more distant/less connected than they once were
So, did that mean that those relationships were no longer serving me?
Yet, as I reviewed aspects of each and every one of these close relationships, I noticed one thing.
Unlike in the past, I could not say even one of those relationships was what you could consider “toxic”, or “harmful”, or making me doubt my self-worth.
Instead, I could definitely say that each and every relationship close to me was helping me develop physically or emotionally in some way.
Of course, that didn’t mean that they were perfect. It also didn’t mean that my closest connections agreed with me on anything and everything and that’s why we were living “happy ever after”.
No… in fact, some of my relationships currently feel very challenging. They are leading me into new terrain, challenging old perceptions, encouraging new behaviours and cultivating new thought patterns.
Yet interestingly, as I went through this exercise it made me realise that my views are changing, but that one conviction still very much stands.
I believe every person in your life is there for a reason. In order to support you or to challenge you, but most of all to make you grow.
When there is no longer a reason for them to be there, they will leave. For they will no longer be able to help you grow.
Looking at the circle around me now, I could see how every single one of the people in it was making me grow. Sometimes pleasantly, sometimes uncomfortably. Yet every single one is doing so with a love, concern and manner that is very much their own… and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
What’s Next?
Well, dear readers, I’m not sure how you felt about this lesson on Connections. I certainly felt it was a loaded one. I’d definitely be very interested in hearing your thoughts on this topic of connections as well if you care to share (regardless on whether you’re on the course or not!).
Yet, make sure you don’t get too comfortable in this space just now. There’s still much more to discover in the world of “discovering the authentic self”. Next time apparently using “objects” as a catalyst…
I don’t know about you dear readers, but I have an inkling that even though that subject sounds quite harmless, it may not be quite as emotionless as it may sound. I suppose we’ll need to wait and see!
2 Comments
Nisha
Hi Claudia! Thank you for posting this series about the Year in Writing course from DailyOm. I discovered it a few months ago and have been sitting on the decision as to whether or not I should purchase it. Especially since there were no reviews for this course by people who were actually doing it (and not just the marketing we see on the website.). I appreciated your authenticity and vulnerability. Plus the fact that its been two years since you bought the course and how it has been a journey. I’m just like that with my writing – I take my time and wind my way through things. So it helped to see that there is something in that course which calls people back to it, even after breaks in between. I’d love to know what your experience has been with this course now. Thanks again, for the review. You’ve helped me make my decision. I’m going to go in for it. 🙂
Claudia // Rjunkie
Hi Nisha – glad to hear from a fellow writing soul!
Personally, I really like the course. However, I tend to come back to it as and when I feel like digging a little deeper into myself or when I receive encouraging messages such as your own that remind me of the commitment I made to follow it through to the end.
52 weeks of contemplation is no joke – it takes some serious time and consideration to get the most out of it for yourself. Nevertheless, I think the experience will differ from person to person depending on which topics really hit a chord and which don’t. Especially since they go into some very personal areas of life at times. I hope you enjoy it though!